Catrick Bateman

VP of Mergers & Acquisitions at Purrgan Stanley | Let's compare business cards
Purrgan Stanley • Wall Street (the actual wall, I sit on it)
500+ connections

About

Look at that subtle coloring. The tasteful thickness. Oh my god, it even has a watermark. (I'm describing my scratching post.) I acquire things. Mostly hair ties. I have 847 hair ties under the refrigerator. Diversification.

Experience

VP, Mergers & Acquisitions
Purrgan Stanley • 2018 – Present
Merged the contents of two food bowls. Acquired the dog's bed in a hostile takeover.
Analyst
Goldman Sacks (of Catnip) • 2016 – 2018
Analyzed 10,000 crinkle balls. All undervalued. Bought the dip (the dip was under the couch).

Skills & Endorsements

Hostile Takeovers (Dog Beds)🐾 380 endorsements
Asset Hoarding (Hair Ties)🐾 366 endorsements
Business Card Staring🐾 290 endorsements

Activity

Catrick Bateman
VP of Mergers & Acquisitions at Purrgan Stanley | Let's compare business cards
22h • 🌍 (indoor only)
Let's see Paul Allen's scratching post. Look at that subtle sisal weave. The tasteful height. Oh my god. It even has a dangly ball. ... I need to acquire it. Whatever it takes. Paul's humans are on vacation next week and I know where the cat door is. #MergersAndAcquisitions
🐾😻😹 9,770 reactions2 comments • 1085 re-meows
Mr. Bigglesworth
Strategy Consultant | Ex-Evil (2017–2022) | Now I disrupt synergies instead of the world
I can consult on the acquisition. My rate is one MILLION treats.
Karen Hissposa
HR Business Partner at Scratch & Associates | Certified in Conflict Escalation
HR is pretending not to see this post.